just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
