I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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