I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
