It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Randomize
