Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
