a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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