She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
