life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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