I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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