Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
