omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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