Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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