a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
