this just has baby written all over it
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize