i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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