Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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