and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
