I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
