does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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