Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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