i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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