it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
so let's talk penis.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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