There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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