Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
