Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
The air taste purple.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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