I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Randomize
