My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Please don't give away my fajitas
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize