i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I deserve this hangover.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
