I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
