hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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