i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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