We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
