Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
wanna go halves on a baby?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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