she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
