The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
