Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
