i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
