i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
