I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Randomize
