Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
