Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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