Where is the hickey?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize