I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
