dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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