life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
