My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
