I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
