your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize