It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
