using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
