READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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