i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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