i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
