dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
