I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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