I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
