actually, I'm a sock model
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Found your dick twin last night
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Boobs are out for the taking
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize