I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
