Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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