yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
