We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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