drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize