Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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