What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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