I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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