There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
