GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize