He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Also, beer. Big fan.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
