you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
