we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
