I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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