I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
