all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
