smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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