Redeem this text for a blowjob
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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