i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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