Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize
