I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
