screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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