My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
