my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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