so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
