I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
