Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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