So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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