ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
