why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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