i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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