haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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