You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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