I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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