so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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