I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
