this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I party with great urgency now.
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