I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
