I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
