I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
