She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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