My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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