That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
