dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
