last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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