you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
